i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
