my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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