i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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