Sry I called you an 8
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
