was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
