Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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