just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
