i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
