just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Drunk walkin through police station. America
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
