It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
