I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
