I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
