Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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