I'm so fucking centered right now
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Randomize
