Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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