They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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