remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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