Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize