she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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