Please, let me fuck your mom
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
