Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
