Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
