I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize