Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
