Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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