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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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