Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
