somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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