Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
