He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
