He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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