So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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