Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
