Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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