In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
