I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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