The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
