"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That's intense
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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