He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's blow job season.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
