think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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