If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
