It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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