he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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