sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
