last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
MIDGETS
????
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize