dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
NoShamevember. You game?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
