He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
