What did we do last night that was yellow?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
