She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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