I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
