I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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