I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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