I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ambien. No doubt about it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
