Sober January is a disaster.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
