you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
