So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
