3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
