Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
