The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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