Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize