Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
