yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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