The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
