I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
