so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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