My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
