until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize