you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
