i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
