Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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