I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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