Well douche your snatch and let's go!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
