Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
