I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
