I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
