dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
