there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
