R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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