i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
