After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he shaved USA in his pubs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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