The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
