if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
