So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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