walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Everclear isn't food dammit
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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