Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
