do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
