I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
