if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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