don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
