You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
