Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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