your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
