if you like me you must not know who I am
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
