Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
