you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
